Pairing: various pairings, eventual yamajima
Summary: There were some things you spent years searching for.
A/N: Inspired by Maaya's Kazamidori, I had the idea for a PV for quite a while, but was too lazy to draw it. So now I ended up writing it.... trying to get back into my writing mode so I can fill up my ditches. Translation to the song is done by Sarah/Frecklegirl.
/I wonder if it’s because I was born in the spring
When seeds appear to be flying, soon I’ll want to go far away
To a place I haven’t seen yet/
I couldn't remember the number of years I've been having the same dream.
Of another place, far away.
Someone was waiting for me, a bouquet of sunflowers in hand, and lips curved into a smile.
/A weathervane left up to fate by the wind
A compass that keeps pointing out a destination/
First year of high school, my family moved to a new area in Tokyo. Hikaru-nii was my next door neighbor, a first year university student who climbed onto my second floor balcony just to say 'hi' the first day we moved here.
We differ by three years in age, but somehow he always seemed to be mentally at the same level. We laugh at the same stupid things, watch the same type of movies, play similar pranks on each other. There had never been someone so close to me. I thought I could talk to him about everything.
So when I found out that he was going away for an exchange program, I cried. Ranted and raved like a spoiled kid with a red nose and eyes.
But I love you.
And I love you too, but this isn't where we stop. Yuto, this isn't where you're supposed to be.
/I can take whatever I want, I can leave whatever I want
The morning of a new journey/
Second year of high school, photography became my hobby. That summer, I went on my first trip alone to Kyoto with nothing else but a backpack and camera.
Even without a guidebook, I was able to find places to go to because of the large amount of tourists. By night time I was back at the hostel with my full 8GB memory card of digital pictures, ready to review them. It was then that I noticed this person wearing bright orange appearing in a bunch of my pictures. So the next day when he appeared again, I walked up and talked to him.
His name was Arioka Daiki, who ran away from home because he was pissed off at his lover for calling off another trip due to work.
I'm not running away.
But you're pissed, and you came here without telling anyone. That's running away.
His round cheeks puffed up when I pointed out the facts to him as we ate green tea parfait on the second floor of a small tea shop. If he kept that puppy face up, I don't think anyone would refuse his requests, let alone making him angry.
We spent the next two days together, running around Kyoto, visiting all the places that Daiki noted when he was planning his trip with his significant other. When we parted at the train station on the evening of the third day, I stuffed a memory card in his hand.
I took them when you weren't looking. But I think the scenery is only beautiful if you came here together.
/While I’m afraid of change, I also don’t want to stay here
A quiet awakening that looks the same as always/
My last year of high school was a peaceful year, other than the fact that I had gained a tail in the name of Morimoto Ryutaro. First day of classes, the kid came into my classroom and pointed his index finger at my nose.
Nakajima Yuto, I'm going to beat you!
From that day on, he followed me into all my after school clubs and sports teams. He even made his way into student council. My classmates saw him as an obsessed kouhai but I just didn't know what he was after. Maybe it wasn't obvious, but everything he did was like a quiet competition. And every time he loses, the expression of a kicked puppy appeared on his face. Ryutaro probably had no idea how guilty it makes me feel each time, even though I didn't do anything.
One day he pointed at my university application and told me to drop my second choice. It surprised me when he clung on even after I brushed him off as a joke.
You can't you can't you can't!
Because he'll be there and he'll finally get to meet you...
Somehow the entire mystery became a bit more clear to me. I patted his head and placed my application back into my bag.
Spring came and school year came to an end. I told him I got into my first choice university, and laughed at his look of relief. It was then I realized from the bottom of my heart that Ryutaro wasn't an annoying brat but a cute kouhai who chose the wrong place to put his efforts on.
/You who said goodbye and I squeezed your back
I who couldn’t say we’d see each other again/
First year of university was when I met Keito. My classmate said that their band was missing a drummer and asked if I would like to join. Being incredibly addicted to rock music during that period, I said yes without thinking twice. The guitarist who greeted me with a smile when I walked cluelessly into the band room was Keito. His Japanese wasn't very good at the time because he was an exchange student from England, but I talked with him the most out of all the band members.
It didn't take very long for us to find out that we were the same type of person; we had similar interests in a lot of things. Sometimes I thought I could see a glimpse of Hikaru-nii in him, and then I would ridiculously think that maybe he was Hikaru-nii coming back from his exchange program.
Keito was a classic gentleman, kind, nice and attentive. He knew how to take care of other people. Sometimes when we go on outings together, I would have the illusion of being his girlfriend. But the next day we would play together in the band room, and I would shake my head at the funny thought, because we were obviously best friends.
I was the only one to see him off at the airport when his term ended. There, he pulled me into a tight embrace and whispered goodbye in my ear.
And then I knew.
Just like how I knew that he often loses his train tickets, how he was actually a klutz who trips on nothing, how he occasionally spaces out when other people talk to him.
How he was only that much of a gentleman in front of me.
I knew all the unspoken words he had. And I basked in the silence, squeezing his back.
/Overlapping roads will again be split into two
The morning of a beginning/
Second year university, I started working part time.
It was a quiet little cafe a few blocks away from my house. The pay wasn't extravagant, but I liked the atmosphere. I was the only waiter there other than the owner herself. Because she claimed that my face attracted a lot of customers, she had me working in the afternoon throughout the weekdays.
When the rainy season started, I noticed a regular customer coming in every day at four thirty. He was lanky and always wore a black leather jacket. His hair was a bit long and dyed blond. He never brought an umbrella with him, so the owner would always greet him near the entrance with a napkin. He always picked the corner spot and stared out the window at the June rain. When I first noticed, I was amused at how much this person and situation seemed to belong to a scene from a romance movie That was before he waved me over one day and ordered a hot chocolate with extra sugar.
He said his name was Takaki Yuya and that he was waiting for someone to come meet him. But he knew and I knew that he had been sitting here for more than a week. Whoever it was, they should have came already. So he kept on sitting there every day. Sometimes I would sit down across from him when there were no customers, and we would both stare wordlessly into the rain.
It didn't rain on the first day of July. Instead of the usual napkin at the door, the owner waited for him to sit down before placing a cup of black coffee in front of him. I stood behind the counter and watched as the sunlight filtered through the glass windows onto the two figures.
He didn't appear the next day. Or the days after that, as if the cafe was like a temporary hideaway from the rain. That cup of coffee was like a symbol of his graduation from a child, because there were things you can't run away from forever.
Because if it was something you really wanted, you shouldn't sit here and wait.
/Though I don’t want to be all alone, that doesn’t mean I must go alone
Even with loneliness stopping my feet, I can’t go home yet/
The summer before I went into my third year studies, I met Ryutaro again. I stepped out of the theater from a three hour documentary, turned around and we were looking straight at each other. I recovered first and said hi while his eyes were still wide like saucers. His girlfriend tugged on their intertwined hands and chirped back a greeting.
Chinen Yuri was his boyfriend's name. This I found out after we sat down at the nearest McDonald. The slightly nervous expression on Ryutaro's face told me that this was probably the same person who he was competing with me for during high school. I was about to open my mouth and confirm if he didn't jab me with his elbow then. But something told me that Chinen already knew who I was. And something also told me that it didn't matter because they were obviously in love.
The meeting wasn't long. I asked Ryutaro where he was going and in turn told him that I would be leaving soon to spend the next two years abroad. He gave me the puppy eyes again and told me that he had no one to compete against any more.
I watched as they left the restaurant together. Ryutaro turned around for a second, and I couldn't stop myself from mouthing the question.
Are you happy?
He didn't answer, instead, he held up their intertwined hands.
/Crossing the ocean together with the wind, I’ll walk on guided by the sunrise
Because what’s waiting for me is definitely there,/
On my plane to New York, there was a boy who looked too young to wear his suit sitting next to me. For eight hours straight, he had his head down, drawing on the paper placed on the little tray that hung down from the seat in front of him with rulers and pencils. If I hadn't interrupted him, I don't think he would have noticed the flight attendant asking him about his choice of dinner.
Inoo Kei, an architect, he introduced himself as he gobbled down his food as quickly as he can while trying to avoid soiling the papers in his lap. I jokingly asked him if it was really that hard being an architect, seeing as he couldn't even stop working during a plane ride. His eyes and lips curved into a smile and said that if he finished his work early, he would be able to get a proper break from work. He said he couldn't risk having his lover being angry and running away from him again.
When we filled out our landing cards, I saw a photo in his wallet. In the photo, he was standing in front of an overview of Kyoto, arms around a familiar figure wearing orange.
/after so many meetings and partings,
I have to go keep the promise I made myself when I was born/
My last year of university was spent in New York. I lived in a townhouse near the campus with Yabu senpai. Even though we were in different faculties, we somehow ended up renting a place together. Yabu always said that the reason he took me in was because I looked like I was clueless when I first got here. And the reason that we lived together was because we were poor bachelors who had no girlfriends. I always gave him the shifty eyes for that, because I knew how many girls tried to use me as a bridge to get to know him.
Despite that, he was like an older brother to me, helping me get through my homesickness and get used to the environment. On our days off, he would drag me out the house and take me to random places just to walk around and take pictures. Yabu once told me that he loved looking at my photos, and if he knew how to take them, it would be what he saw as well.
That was probably why for my graduation and parting gift, he got me an expensive camera. He left the package by my bedroom door the morning I was leaving. I didn't unwrap the package until I got to the airport. He left me a note in the lens cover.
With this, I hope you will find what you were always looking for.
/Until I can touch with these hands, with these eyes that don’t understand even if I listen to someone,
the treasures encased throughout the world,
taking a breath as deep as a forest, I’ll go to sleep listening to the sounds of the stars
To someday set down roots that alight upon the ground
That is the place I’m going home to/
I didn't go straight home on that flight. My parents almost went nuts when they found my baggage instead of me at the Tokyo airport.
It would be my second time going on a trip alone, and I didn't know where I was going either. Whenever I wanted to go somewhere else, I would head to the airport and get whatever ticket that was available at the time.
The numerous scenery that went through my viewfinder eventually added up to dozens of memory cards. There were days when I'm on a busy street full of people, and then there were days when I wake up and I was surrounded by trees.
Sometimes I would ask myself if I'm expecting too much. I didn't even know what I was looking for, yet I couldn't stop my feet from moving.
But he was there.
Like he had been waiting all along in a sea of sunflowers.
And when his lips curved into the smile I saw in my dreams, I found my voice and said,